Start Conflicting schedules dating website

Conflicting schedules dating website

On the one hand, he felt he owed his mother all the success she worked to enable ("she wants me to be happy"), but on the other felt tremendous guilt at how the resulting independence hurt her and made her lonely.

Since then I've gotten a few requests for copies of the talk and have decided to post the unabridged version for those who might be interested.

And please note, the confidentiality of all clinical communications have been strictly protected in the illustrations discussed.] ------------------------ Online dating sites are not really dating sites, they are meeting sites.

They provide an online destination for a technologically-mediated simulation of something people have always done: meet and flirt.

You post some attractive pictures—who cares they're a few years old by now—, answer a few survey questions, signal likes and dislikes, and craft a profile that reveals something of who you are, as well as something of who you want others to think you are.

For the remainder of my time I want to talk about four kinds of circuits I've been noticing, four ways dating sites harness human psychology for their purposes.

Optimizing for optimizers Dating sites have a clear favorite in the battle of "only the best will do" vs "letting good enough be good enough." Whether it's how sexy someone is or how much money they make, lots of people climb on the treadmill of always wanting someone better so they can then run after someone who's better than better.

—while simultaneously capitalizing on the psychological reality that people are doing much more at online dating sites than just efficiently and rationally trying to meet the perfect mate.

Complex circuits of desire and opportunity are being created between what is on the screen and what is in the experience and fantasies of the person at the keyboard.

Even though the experience sites offer is not fully all they advertise, online dating sites are potentially convenient online meeting sites that put people into contact who would otherwise not have met so they can simulate flirting as prelude to actual flirting.

Understanding—and even helping people use—online dating sites requires us to remember that people are complicated and conflicted.

And the sites are designed for this; they are designed for those called maximizers or optimizers by behavioral economists rather than the satisficers.